Can I Be Just A Girl?

Can I be just a girl again? Just a free spirit that is open to possibilities, without the restriction of responsibilities. Can I be just a girl again? Not feeling confined by my surroundings and my circumstances. Can I be just a girl again? To have the anxiety over holding a hand, instead of anxiety over future plans. Can I be just a girl again? The question so simple, but the answer unobtainable. Being a mother, you may gain a new identity. You change and grow. You are a teacher, a friend, an adviser, and so much more. Although, you may love your kids without restraint, at times I find myself pausing.

I pause for the moments. I pause for oldest parts of me. The ones I try to forget because I can no longer satisfy. I want to go out on a date without worry. Buy a pair of shoes or pants without wondering if I should buy my kids ones first, or if a bill needs to be paid. I pause for the moments of unstressed and unfiltered inspiration I used to get from those days where I didn’t have a million things to do. I pause for feeling like an attractive human being because most days I am a mess from the responsibilities of my life, even if I say I don’t care because what girl doesn’t? I pause for the broken parts of me that have stayed up on those sleepless nights. I pause. I pause and I think, can I be just a girl again?

Can I be just a girl again? I want that safe feeling of knowing that if I fail, it wont affect anyone else. Can I be just a girl again? The ability to move around and find myself with the support of those around me for finding my path. Can I be just a girl again? The ability to know that the mess at home is created because of me, and only me. Can I be just a girl again? The future still in front of me and I can bend it in anyway I choose because I still have plenty of time. I want the ability to know, I can change the world around me. I want the options I used to have. I may love my kids, my life, my world, but I also find myself pausing. Can I be just a girl again?

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