The Letter Never Sent
Love is not always about the sensation of the encounter. It isn’t always about the lust part. Love can be about the basic simplicity of devotion. When you have something, you cherish more than yourself, when you find something or someone to believe in above your own needs, or when you can commit to – not just the good times, but the bad as well. In spite of all the obstacles, all the pain, and heartache, you are still there. Some might think of it as stupidity, of self-mutilation of the soul, of idiocy, but I see it as a deep passion of love. To commit yourself, your time, your energy, and investing in someone else to create a future – to me – can only be described as love.
For my readers, this one is a bit different. I focused it more towards my military families, as I am one too. I know what you go through and I am here for all of you. I hope you enjoy this piece and if you would like to find out more, please visit me on writers espresso or on my publishing page www.gt-publishing.com for more of my work. I also have my books out and ready for sale on my page or on Amazon. Thank you all! This is,
The Letter Never Sent
Sgt Monroe, Travis
Aco, 0-504 GSAB/30, DCAB, YT ANVIL
97018 Tennor Street, Indiantown Gap, PA, 17327
January 13th, 2019
I lay here in bed, wishing you were next to me. Your side of the bed is firmer now that you have been gone. I know this because I tried laying on it and felt this odd sensation creep up. It started in my stomach and like a snake, it slithered into my chest, then to my throat. The snake leaving me in a sob. The feeling of being on your side of the bed, without you, was sour and I couldn’t stand it. Muffling my sobs, I slide back to my side of the bed. I can’t let the children hear me. Our oldest came running last time and I can’t do that to him again.
Trevor tries so hard to be the man of the house now that you are gone. I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he would still be a kid and, in some ways, he still is after all, but he still tries not to be. He helps where he can – like you told him to. You would be proud of all three of them. I know you would. Christine lost another tooth yesterday and she was thrilled. I forgot to place the money under her pillow but I will do it tonight after she falls asleep. That was always your job and I find myself trying to remember certain things. Remembering the look on your face when they would get excited about the Tooth Fairy coming, has me giving a small smile myself.
Gripping the body pillow, I sleep with to try to create the illusion of having you there, is only slightly comforting. Nothing can really replace the reality of you. Of the firmness of your muscles, the smell of your skin, or the sounds of your heart beating while I lay my head on your chest. Tears slide down my cheeks now and seep into the pillow. I know it will have a big wet spot, but I don’t care. Eventually, I will need to throw this one in the wash, but for now, it is the littlest comfort I have.
Chase got new crayons and drew you several pictures. I will send them with this letter like I promised him. His sweet smile soothes some of the achings in my chest every time I see it. His innocence and pure love of you is always a cherished part of my day. They all asked about you again and I had nothing new I could really tell them. I wish I did. I want to scream “Daddy is coming home!”, but I can’t. I won’t get their hopes up like that.
The darkness in this room is only broken by the dog snoring and the sounds of the heater kicking in again. Somehow the familiar sounds are a comfort that helps my tears to stop coming, or maybe it is because I have cried myself out tonight. Either way, it is still not satisfying enough. Sleep will come from the exhaustion I feel. I always feel it. This tiredness, along with the constant pang of missing you. But life must go on.
I promised you I could handle it all while you were away and I have. Everything is getting paid, the kids are being taken care of, the house, all of it. Even though it is being handled, I still do not like doing it alone. I know why I am doing it. I know why you are doing this and I am always grateful for you. You take care of this family like a man should, even if I am unhappy about how.
I want you to know, I love you more than anything. I love you, more than words can express, and yes that may be a cliché, but it is true. One day we will take that vacation, just you and me like we planned. Probably after our vacation with the kids, but I know we will get there and I hope to spoil you while we are there. I won’t ever let you take your arms off me. I won’t ever stop staring at your beautiful eyes and running my hands all over your body. I tried memorizing every inch of you before you left because memories are all I have now, but sometimes memories fade. You used to always tease me because I was forgetful. Now, it isn’t so funny.
I am going to try to get some sleep, what little I can manage without you. The dog already moved up next to me as I write this. I think he too knows something is wrong and he is trying to help the best he can. It does in a way.
I love you my sexy soldier and I hope you never forget it. Do what you need to, to make sure you always come back to us.
Love your wife,